August - A Review!

Its the last day of August, finally!!!!

So I figured I should write a review of this, the most hated of months.

It started out like it always do with the mass descent of Greeks and Italians onto our little island, clogging up our small streets and spending as little as possible on their vacation.

It ended or rather, is ending with me ready to knock Topchef's head off, gladiator stylee and take my own vacation. Well, I will be taking a vacation in October so there's another 45 days or so till then......Just for clarification, I have not beheaded Topchef just yet, but boy is he asking for a kickin'!

I went for breakfast the other day with Ms. UK and the food was awesome (like always) but the service by the male co-owner was atrocious. Ok dude, i get it, you have been here for August too but to bark at us when we are ordering food just ain't right! Im sorry I came to eat at your restaurant, you made it painfully obvious that you were pissed I had the gall to think of putting money in your cash register....Sheesh, Ill never make that mistake again! (lie, I went there yesterday again but he wasn't there thankfully)

Now, it seems the weather is starting to calm down a little bit....Unfortunately it also means that humidity is risen to around 75% and my lovely Greek genetics have kicked in so my hair resembles a haystack and I sweat profusely....Pretty sure I scared a little kid the other day when I was stomping up the hill on my way home! Sorry kid, can't help it.

Two nights ago was the Ifestia Festival, while I am usually not impressed by the fireworks Dimos Thiras usually puts on, this year I was really pleasantly surprised.
They went on for almost 30 minutes on the volcano and then there was an extra 20 minutes of fireworks around Fira so BRAVO, you finally managed to put on a good show.....But thats got NOTHING to do with local elections coming up in October, right Mr. Mayor? ;-P

At brunch yesterday, I asked the girls what the gossip was that I have been missing.....first I was told there was none and then 2 very good stories were told which made me think. Hey guys if this ain't gossip then what is???

First, at the Bar the other night was a mother and daughter from the USA, the mother promptly got so drunk she passed out sitting up across from the Bar and then proceeded to throw up all over herself. This wasn't no spring chicken either, she was in her 50's......anyway, some of the guys tried to help but she was a hefty one and they couldn't lift her. So, what was the solution?? The daughter, also drunk, walked to their hotel and brought back a pillow so mommy dearest could take a nap on the street......Now that's just AWESOME!

And then the following day, they came back looking for mommy's white gold and diamond wedding band which was mysteriously lost the previous night. the ring has not been found and now mommy's gotta go back home and explain to daddy where her expensive wedding ring has gone. thank god Im not in her shoes.

Second bit of gossip, Italian pyscho bitch was in the bar the other night, being every inch the crazy ass we all know her to be. this time however, nobody got a black eye. She did however manage to upset the Kiwi enough that she wanted to kill her and thats some strong language for her......

This just in, Kiwi came home last night or rather this morning and just as she was about to go to sleep, some idiots sat at her table on her balcony and proceeded to have a long and loud conversation. A swift bang on the wall made them run off but I find that just plain rude! They're lucky I didn't hear them cause I had so much nevra last night I could have killed someone.

You may ask, why so much nevra???? Ok, its not because of August...its because I went for a big family dinner yesterday, my little bro was celebrating his name day and my phone died of battery.....

What turned me into a crazy angry screaming lunatic was the phone call from Topchef (he called my brothers cell) who proceeded to tell me I upset him because he thought I had turned off the phone on purpose so I could sneak out and get hammered with my friends.

Sorry sweetheart, but if I am going to go out and get wasted I would tell you first....anyway, this isn't the first time, such craziness and jealousy has reared his ugly head so to be honest, I lost the plot.
I got home in such a temper because he had upset me and I couldn't enjoy the night with my family that we of course got into a screaming match which resulted in me basically breaking up with him and drinking a bottle of wine to myself. I then collapsed into bed and actually had a lovely nights sleep.

There's alot to be said for unloading your tension, my shoulder has stopped hurting me now! that being said, right now, Im not sure what the situation is. Im not sure if im single or if I just started a Cold War. You know what I mean, you have a massive fight with your other half and then for like a week or so afterwards you don't have another screaming match, you just barely speak and don't want to look at the other person. Thats what a relationship Cold War is. It ends when one person admits they were wrong and/or apologizes.......
Well, I can see this Cold War lasting like the actual one, cause guess what I WASNT WRONG!!! Ok I got a little out of hand with my comments, but the reason I was angry was justifiable or so i think.......



Anyways, tomorrow September starts, with lovely friendly tourists and hopefully a nice atmosphere. So I have made a plan, Im going to shake off the hell that was August and look forward to September with all the excitement I can muster.

So my dear readers, welcome to September, the madness of August is behind us. We can now walk through the streets of Fira without being blindsighted by a tourist (unless its cruise ship day) and enjoy the beauty of our little island...

KALO MINA! :)

Heat, nevra and me............

There seems to be no break in this relentless heat we are having lately.

TopChef brought home an alarm clock the other night which also tells the temperature. How great you may say! Yeah, did i mention it's a 'Hello Kitty' cube clock that changes into 4 different pastel shades and the 'alarm' is a meow followed by a ringtone???????

To say I am seriously questioning the man's sanity, let alone his other preferences are an understatement. He says its cute and he thought i would like it. Obviously after a year of living together, he hasn't noticed my complete and total aversion to cats in any shape or form, living, in photo's and especially on cube alarm clocks a 35 year old man brings home!!!!!!!!!!!

I woke up this morning stuck to my bedsheets thanks to the heat. And thats with a dehumidifier and a fan going 24/7. So, I woke up feeling icky and annoyed and henceforth my entire day seemed to go on like that.

As I precariously walked down the road towards Fira some MENSA candidate on a scooter whacked into my side. My phone went flying through the air and made a resounding crash. Not to mention the friction burn from the wheel on my leg. I lost it. I mean I totally and completely lost the head. I turned around with what can only be considered a devil stare and was so angry I couldn't speak.

To add insult to injury, the girl who was driving the death trap said i should have been looking where I was going....Sorry darlin' but God didn't give me eyes in the back of my head, nor did he warn me that a moron like you would be on the road today.

I found my voice after getting over the shock and started screaming at her. Then of course i was totally being unreasonable and told her I wanted her name cause i was going to the police station to report her......she got scared then, also because she suddenly realised I wasnt a tourist and apologized profusely.
My response?? I acted like a sullen moody child stuck my chin in the air, made a snorting sound and stamped down towards the square mumbling obscenities under my breath.

I get to work, and am trying to think positive thoughts, balance my Chi or whatever its called when i get a phone call to inform me that I have to stay an extra 2 hours at work to await a late arrival.
Just to be clear, in normal circumstances I wouldn't mind. I rarely leave work once my shift is over, usually hang over to check over certain things but I had made plans this particular night.

I forgot to mention, i had already informed work that I had made plans, which was of no need cause i should have been off the clock but turns out anyway, I ended up missing the cocktails and went straight for beer and Jack Daniels.......(more on that later)

So i threw a total hissy fit in my office. I was completely alone by the way....weeped a little bit at the unfairness of it all and generally acted like a brat.

And then something happened........

I was online reading newspapers when a story popped up about the fires in Moscow and i thought to myself. WOW, how selfish are you? Living in an amazing place, looking at this view every day and having the friends you have.........

and then i realised its AUGUST and i am totally right to be a complete bitch for this entire month ;-P

Anyway, after 2 hours overtime i ended up at The Bar where i was dutifully handed a cold Corona and a shot of JD. The night progressively got more and more messy as more shots were laid on and beer was flowing like nectar from the Gods.

One of the group hooked up with some Italian and another cut and run before the final round of shots. I however, stayed until the sun was just coming up and collapsed into my bed at around 6am.

It's Hotter than the gates of Hades...........

I would like to take this opportunity to thank the person who invented A) Fans and B) Air conditioners otherwise by now I would be a very tired, grouchy seasonal worker. This heat coupled with the humidity is KILLING me! No sign of respite or even a breeze for that matter.

No point in attempting to style my head of rebellious Greek frizz hair (thank you Yiayia) or even wear anything other than a tank top and shorts. Even then, my light linen shorts still make me feel like im wearing wool in the Sahara.
Not to mention that i take my life into my own hands every day walking down that death trap of a road. Yes people, im going to rant now and i have a right to for several reasons.
A: I can't sleep. Not because of the heat, i invested in a super fan a few weeks ago (thank god for my foresight) but thanks to drunken tourists on quad bikes at 4am stopping outside my house to shout about how drunk they are and oh man, they could never drive drunk back home, they would lose their license....Guess what, if you don't stop you will lose more than just a driving license buddy if i get my hands on you.

B: Again drunken tourists, this time using my back yard as a hook up spot, (they're too shy even when inebriated to do anything in the room their beau shares with his buddy) so i have to listen to her say (in a number of different languages) "OMG, you're like the sweetest guy ever, how romantic that we met in Santorini!". Guess what sweetheart, it may have been romantic in the bar at 1am before you got sloshed but at 4am outside my house, its just plain skanky.

C: Drunk fighting couples, admittedly it can be quite interesting to hear why they are fighting and to be honest, its mostly Greek couples (they have a flair for the dramatic) but still why would you broadcast it to the entire neighbourhood? And again, they are greek so its usually 6am as opposed to the usual 3am fights i have gotten used to.

I thank God that its only about another 10 days till the worst is over and things can go back to normal. Nice, polite tourists who make an attempt not to blindside you as you walk down the street.
Less noisy rental cars with responsible (foreign) drivers at the wheel and families who's kids know how to behave.

I went out to eat the other night with a group of friends. Not in Fira, but in Imerovigli and we had a great time. Too much wine was had and i realised only afterwards that we were probably the Loudest people in the entire town and then i felt guilty enough to apologise to the waiter for our behaviour.
Im no saint and i admit it freely so to those who were trying to relax on their hotel balconies that night....Yes it was me and my friends so i apologise profusely for any irritation caused. Not to mention, if you overheard the conversation i again should apologise for the profanity and subject matter.....definately PG13 or higher.

Rumour has it Jack Nicholson is looking to buy property here. How frickin' COOL would that be??? I can just see him walking down to the bar and getting a scotch, I think he would be the greatest neighbour EVER!

There was an altercation last night in Plateia Galli, Imerovigli between 2 taverna owners. A physical one at that and one of the guys almost had a heart attack from the stress of it.......Scary stuff but then again, it is August, we are all a little on edge.

There's been a few free concerts in the main square of Fira the last couple of nights, traditional music mostly, not my kind of thing but either way, i think a really nice idea by the Municipality/Mayor. Looking for votes Mr. Roussos??? :)

The Fraulein's mother is coming to visit on Monday. The Kiwi has a bad cold. The Seniorita had a small BBQ last night which i totally forgot about due to overheating and August fever which from what i gathered was a really nice night, nothing like the drunken debauchery of 4th July.

I would like to extend my heartfelt gratitude to TopChef for bringing me decadent dessert home almost every night this week to combat my mood swings.....my waistline may disagree but boy, that souffle is somethin'!

Events coming up:
Ifestia festival: recreation of the Volcanic eruption (fireworks display) 28th August, anywhere on the caldera side. Get a good seat in Fira, Firastefani, Imerovigli.
and U2 are coming to record their new album in Santorini, according to various gossip sites, sometime next year!!!!!

The Italians descend along with the humidity...........

And so the horrible month of August is upon us.
Its time to get your game face on and battle through the most horrendous month in a seasonal workers life.

Loud young Italians, rude arrogant Greeks and more traffic than Athens on a weekday, thats what we have to look forward to all month.
Its ironic that we, by we i mean those who have been through this before, somehow seem miffed by the barrage of tourists who descend on our little nisaki this time of year.

Somehow, we seem completely surprised that the most obnoxious people in the cosmos come during the exact same time period every year.

It's almost like the universe plans it......ah, lets ease them into the season..May, June and July will be easy with nice Americans and australians in the hotels and bars. Not so many that you feel suffocated and then once we head into August BAM!
Make way for Captain Obnoxious and his extended family........To say its a nightmare is an understatement.



Case in point, reading some status updates on Twitter, Facebook et al, it took 35 mins to drive from Fira to Imerovigli today!!!! It usually takes less to walk up that mountain to get there.

Speaking of the pedestrian inhabitants of the island, thats just as hazardous. 25 minutes to get from the main square to Kato Fira today......almost half an hour on account of an amalgamation of cruise ship tourists, Italians and Greeks stretching 4 across on the caldera path, not letting anyone else dare get past them.

And another fb comment, how the italians seem to not be able to walk down a street without singing, smoking and talking simultaneously............arrggghhhh!!!!!!!!!!

And the humidity is killing me, despite the tourist traffic, walking from home to town is like stepping into a steam room and then doing exercises.....by the time you get to your destination, your clothes are stuck to your back and you look like a monster.
Not to mention, that if you are a woman your hair turns into something reminiscent of Medusa (minus the snakes of course, but just as scary!)

And so dear readers, stay strong, load up on prozac or some other anti psychotic, try to keep your nevra in check and not kill a tourist (its bad for business) and rejoice that in less than 30 days its SEPTEMBER.....Everybody's favourite month.